What's your love language, grown-up version?
Less quiz-magazine, more useful.
Start the quiz →What this quiz explores
The popular version asks what makes you feel loved. This asks what you do for people, since what you give is usually a better guide to what you're missing. It also separates the two, because plenty of couples are both trying hard in a language the other one doesn't read.
How it works
The quiz has 3 possible results. Each answer option was written to lean toward one of them.
Your result is the one your answers pointed to most often. Skipped questions, and the occasional answer that does not lean toward any result, are not counted.
Alongside the result you see your answer profile: the share of your answers that pointed to each result. Close percentages mean you sit between two results, which is common.
How you love, and how you want it back
The Fixer
You show love by handling things, and you'd like someone to notice that the handling was the message.
When someone you love is struggling, you arrive with a solution and a full shopping bag. You do the tedious task nobody asked about, you organize the birthday, and you're proudest of the efforts that were never mentioned. To you, action is the sincere form and words are what people say when they aren't doing anything.
The Attender
You give people your hours and your full attention, which is the scarcest thing anyone has to offer.
You clear the evening. You stay for the whole of something hard. A perfect Saturday has nothing scheduled in it, and what you notice first when a relationship cools is that the time disappeared before the affection did. Undivided attention is rare, and people who've been given yours tend to remember it for years.
Namer
You put it into words, and you need to hear it back more than the people around you understand.
The card takes an hour. You'll tell someone exactly why you admire them, in specifics, and you'll write the long message when something matters. What lands hardest on a bad day is being told, and the absence you notice first is the silence. This is not a small thing to offer: plenty of people go decades without anyone naming what's good about them. The trap is the exchange rate. Words are cheap to produce and cheap to doubt, so a partner who shows love through action may hear your affirmations as pleasant noise, while you hear their silence as absence. You may also be doing the reassurance you want rather than the reassurance they need, which is the commonest form of loving someone in your own language rather than theirs. Ask directly, in plain language, since the request feels needy to you and reads as ordinary to almost everyone else. Tell your partner you need to hear it, name how often, and accept that they may need reminding rather than convincing. Then look at what they're doing rather than saying, and count it as the message it was intended to be.
What this quiz can’t tell you
- It is a self-reflection exercise, not a validated psychometric test. It has not been normed against a population.
- It reports how you see yourself, which is not always how you behave. People who know you well might answer differently on your behalf.
- Results describe tendencies, not fixed traits. Most people recognise themselves in more than one result.
Read more about how our quizzes are created, including how scoring works and what we do and do not claim.